June Newsletter (6 Days Before July)

Ahoy me scallywags,

Ahoy t' a delayed Bunny Ears Newsletter. At some point I'll get better at writin' these on time, but today ain't that day! Yaaarrrg!

Also, writing in "pirate talk" is pretty hard. I Googled it and everything. Don't say I never give you any sunken treasures in these newsletters.

So, sup you jive fools? This is the newsletter. TA-DA. Lots of news here at the Bunny Ranch. Still looking for that office. If anyone is a realtor please let me know. But also, real estate… am I right? (realtor jokes!)

In other news, I got a kitten. His name is Apples because I'm a 37 year old man who wanted to name my cat something only a 5 year old could dream up. Here is a picture of Apples:

Just kidding. Those are apple apples. Here's Apples The Cat:

He's only 3 months old. He talks a lot, is pale, and has blue eyes. Just like me, his father.

Not sure if you've been keeping up with the site lately but we kidnapped goop's therapist. We treated him kindly, he was perfectly nice and we all learned a lot about Stockholm syndrome. Check out our original demands and goop's reply on our FB page. If you're too lazy to do all that clicking, I've got you covered with a photo recap:

That whole scheme was cooked up by contributing editor Hana Michels. When she's not staging kidnappings she's teaching you how to contour your cat's nipples, giving you lessons on polyamory and trying out this wild new thing called "the bus." You can read those stories and the rest of her work by clicking on these words.

Leave a comment on her articles to let her know you dropped in (just don't be weird about it).

This month on the site we also covered a multitude of topics including How To Navigate Your First Date To the Bedroom By Bringing Up Your Dead Friend, How To Use Blackmail To Secure Your Toddler's Spot In A Prestigious Private Preschool, How To Feng Shui Your Panic Room and We Built An Infinity Gauntlet For Our Healing Crystals. Also, since it's almost the beginning of July you'll want to also check out the Color of the Month (this month it's: Me Badd) and your monthly horoscope.

Another thing I want to remind you about is our Camp No Counselors contest! I'm going to an adult summer camp for the first time in my life and I want to bring you and a friend with me! Bunny Ears will fly you out and cover the cost of admission for you and a pal. All you have to do is come ready to party! For more details and information on how to enter please go to: https://bunnyears.com/CNC/

Old Matt Cohen and I are still doing our thing with the podcast. You guys still like that podcast, right? Regardless, we're still doing it and that's good because this is an untapped market. I'm so glad I got in on the ground floor of this new media venture. Our upcoming shows include guests like Dan Fogler (the guy from Harry Potter that isn't Harry Potter) Rob Kazinsky (the guy from the punching robots movie), and our own Editor-In-Chief Shawn DePasquale (who is not from any movies. Yet...). You can listen to all those suckers here: bunn.fun/pod

We're also getting ready to retire all the T-Shirts that no one wants to purchase. Starting with these FONT SHIRTS that I designed. Apparently, when Elijah, our merch guy, says something isn't a good idea I should listen to him. Anyway, I love these shirts and we've got a warehouse full of them so we're discounting them for you newsletter readers to buy! This is a newsletter subscriber exclusive!! (AIRHORN SOUNDS) From now until the end of June you can use the following coupon code ShirtMan18 for Buy Two Get One Free! Get all three shirts for the price of two shirts! It's like we need to get rid of them or something!

But seriously, you should buy them because they'rethe most hilarious shirts of all time and soon they'll be locked in the Disney Vault forever. And, yes, I have access to the Disney Vault. Anyone want to watch Song Of The South with me?

And finally, we updated our Privacy Policy. You really should go read the entire thing.

Your Pagemaster Forever,

Mack

TLDR: coupon code ShirtMan18 for Buy Two Get One Free on font shirts!

Holy shit! I'm all over the internet now! FIND ME!

I wonder if Smoke Dawg will be releasing anymore music? https://amzn.to/2NbzAcm